United Coffee House, Connaught Place

… and then there were none.

United Coffee House in Connaught Place is one of the last few bastions of an era that many remember with nostalgia. It certainly wasn’t my era, but it does remind one of glimpses from Khushwant Singh’s The Company of Women, where a very different Delhi is illustrated for those like me who happened to be born 25  years too late.

Entering United Coffee House could well be compared to stepping back in time; carpets with just the right amount of threadbare patches, embossed ceilings, polished wooden walls, ornate chandeliers, curvy candlestands and the quiet murmur of people well at peace with their surroundings are a few quintessential elements that make their presence felt. One can’t help but feel it’s only a matter of time before these old world scenes will disappear completely leaving us with leather, chrome, electronics and plastic assemblies masquerading as restaurants.

Some of us visit to relive the glory days, others, like me, visit to sample sequences of a bygone era while the rest of us pop in for a coffee, not giving anything else a second look. The first and final groups are usually at peace. The first, because they’re here to refresh memories, heartily thump chums, exchange a few words with acquaintances and leave after munching a sandwich and downing a cold coffee while reveling in a familiar atmosphere. The last group are at peace, because all they want is a coffee and the undivided attention of their female companions, both of which are usually delivered as expected.

The middle group however, composed of the likes of me, aren’t here to relive any glory days primarily because we weren’t born then or to drink coffee, because there’s better coffee to be had in many other places. We’re here to try and experience what the first group so unfailingly remember; elements of a time long past. We try hard to drink in the atmosphere and imagine what establishments like United Coffee House must have looked like 25 years in the past. The dining room is seen as a repertoire of trends experienced, from dressing for dinner to an explosion of dhotis, passing by free love and bell bottoms to just bottoms, which is all the latest low cut jeans leave you with. After we’re saturated with nostalgia however, when it comes down to brass tacks, we do tend to compare such establishments with their peers which are usually contemporary restaurants.

And that’s where the trouble starts.

We’ve evolved as a society, especially when it comes to food. Perfection in looks, textures and flavors is expected and considered quite natural. Artificial additives that are much more intense than natural flavors are the rule rather than the exception. Service, unless accompanied by repeated kow-towing or the mannerisms of Nanny McPhee is termed bad. Sequined washrooms with designer sanitary-ware somehow enhance the experience of washing hands and unloading bladders. We now have so much for so little that nothing less will do.

It therefore doesn’t help when establishments like United Coffee House continue to live in time bubbles. After imbibing as much as we can of the atmosphere, one can’t help but notice the cheese balls don’t have the intense cheesiness we have come to associate with the word ‘cheese’. We know somewhere deep inside we’ve sold our souls to chemicals like 4 methyl nonanoic acid (cheese), but still negatively label dishes that use natural flavors. We insist the filling of the mutton keema samosas should be less crumbly and glare at the waiters when they don’t dance to the tune of multiple thumbs snapping for their attention. Even the delicious Mixed Grill Sizzler may be the subject of intense scrutiny and debate due to it’s red meat content.

What will be, will be. United Coffee House will either remain a solid pillar continuing to represent times long gone to a small set of people or will need to re-invent itself to appeal to a wider audience with modern tastes. This article should not be seen as a ‘put-down’, which it isn’t meant to be. United Coffee House stands for a period in time and indeed, history, which many would wish to keep just as it is. Others may want to visit simply to sit back and reminisce. Those however, who’re looking for more than coffee or a quick bite may wish to either season their food with dollops of nostalgia or choose to take their custom elsewhere.

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